a prayer for the children invisiblechildren.com

Lord, hear children crying, how long will you wait?
how much more will it take for your heart to break?
i know Your timing is perfect but the hour is late?
is it not enough that they get kidnapped and killed?
how much more blood will you allow to be spilled?
how many more graves will you allow to be filled?
Lord, these are your children let your blessing fall on them again
merciful powerful loving God, i fear not the acts of men
but still i ask when even now here their cry from the lions den

stage 5 acceptance

today the sky is like my grandma's hair 

and i sense that there is wisdom hidden in the air

and white flowers are blooming on the trees

just as memories of you return so bright to me

but the rain falling today is not that of tears

rather it is the redemptive cleansing of my fears

and eventhough i don't know where this sidewalk will lead

i am content to walk, following this path in front of me

rescue reflection

i look up to the light and get

blinded by the sun

i stood up for the fight and got

murdered by a gun

so i guess this must be life so quickly it is done

and while much is lost in strife hopefully more is won

Phrases people use a lot that bug me

"if you dont have anything nice to say dont say anything at all"

(no, you better find something nice to say)

"life goes on"

(thanks so much for telling me that the world is not affected by my problems)

"that's just the way it is"

(when has that ever proven to be true over time?)

"beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

and

"looks can be deceiving"

(looks like the beholder can trust himself)

"its a small world" 

(if you think that then you need to get out more)

"American bows to no one"

(i cant figure out why the world hates us when we are so culturally considerate) <-- sarcastic

"hip-hop's dead"

(no, you just need to retire)

sorry for this pessimistic post i just need to get that out there. have a great day. 

life is a journey (what a cliche')

this is my resolve amidst this problem to hard to solve
that all my thoughts cease to revolve around the contentment of egypt
and eventhough we have such a long way to go
till we reach jericho its a quest that i am willing to accept
we left the security of graves and the care-free life of slaves
watched our enemies die in the waves so i think its time to say goodbye
so i'll make the wilderness my friend and hope in time He'll mend
all the loneliness that this path will send and as I follow the pillar in the sky

I thank God for the waves

heart beating fast sweat fills his pours

any notion of slowing he ignores

too busy to be tired to young to be exhausted

if he had any concept of time, he had lost it

his sandy fingers work hard to match what's on his mind

with sand and shells and seaweed whatever he can find

he smiles briefly in satisfaction before continuing again

a castle with high walls encircling a cozy den

he gazes back behind him inquisitive with worry

and turns back again reminded of his need to hurry

the walls are built up higher then reinforced beneath 

the grainy town has become the wonder of the beach

water grazes his feet and he shivers in shocked reaction

it makes a silent visit to the tower followed by a polite retraction 

anticipating more to come brings him bitter sweet emotions

he looks back again this time he seems to challenge the ocean

his work has slowed with a focus now put on calculated fortification

his eyes get soft as he gets lost in the scenarios of his imagination

a shiver shoots up his leg all the way to his back

he looks down to sea the water returning to attack

this time the charge stretches to reach around the tower

it removes much of the base with its strong pulling power

it retreats back quickly taking its captives to their dark prison

but in its place another wave to attack has already risen

this one falls short but its warning is heard

and on its way back it gets overlapped by a third

frantically working to repair the damage of the first

fear takes his eyes as he expects the worst

but the third waves comes and knocks him off his feat

and what was a great castle is left a lowly mound of defeat

and so he begins to work again this time he wont fail

he lives his life in vain always working to no avail  

it was a crazy day today

there was a man with a moon for a heart
some nights it was full and other nights just a part
the light that it gave prevailed against the night
shining not in warmth but standing steady and bright
hard to escape, even harder to reach, always high above
so i wonder...
is a man with a heart like that capable of love

Psalm 63 reflections

in this wilderness i will find rest.

for i have made it my sanctuary to be with You.

Your love is better than anything i have, or anything i am, or anything i could be.

i cannot help but praise you for you have been my sheild, my light, my joy, and my redemption. Your praises are the only things worth saying,

Your glory is the only thing worth seeing,

Your salvation is the only thing worth hoping for.

waiting for the spring

autumn comes to a tree and it responds so colorfully 

but let a month or two go by and the winter robs it completely dry

and as the leaves take freedoms flight they hit the ground and lose their light

and life is left in brown and gray so dont ask me to go out and play 

cause i am waiting for the spring

all the trees on the street are completely bare and i scratch my head and find snow in my hair

and as pretty as it looks floating down it all looks like slush when it hits the ground

every is scowling in the cold they all used to make snowmen but now they are too old

and they look colder and colder everyday so dont ask them to come out to play 

because they're all fine being grumpy today

and there is no fun in this land of gray

when all the birds fly south and rabbits hide away

there are so many things i have to say 

but i think i'll save them for a warmer day

cause i am still waiting for the spring

we're all just praying for the spring

memory lane 

i visit in vain

glad to be back 

but nothing's the same

and while there is new life

it gets dampened by the rain

memories of smiles 

flashbacks of pain

walking alone on

memory lane 

orchid window, honest Abe, and others

new camera (rainy monday on dearborn)

RIP

"rest in peace" i say hardly whispering
to all the graves holding buried things
"don't stir today because i know your dead
don't wake from the place of your resting head
i was there when you died on that winter day
and i put there myself so, 'Rest In Peace!'" i say

all of my memories keep imploring me
to stop these zombies from ignoring me
"how can you bother me today?
so long after you past away."
and allusions of death like autumn leaves
are brought back to life on april trees

history, are you changing me?

sometimes i wonder what would be different if i could change

sometimes i imagine what would have happened if i would have known

what i know about the world when i met you 

would i have been less afraid or maybe less vain

would the choices that i made still be the same...

or am i wiser because of all the lessons i learned along the way

i sit and wonder if all my mistakes make me a better man today

i cannot say that they did

but i know today i'm still a kid

and to those who met me in the past 

to those memories that fade so fast 

let me say this at last...

i'm so sorry

dreams

at night my dreams show me dangerous things
things to real to happen when i am awake
things that haunt me, utterly
and so i lock myself up behind my covers
breathing heavily
heavily to drowned out my dreams
dreams of dancing singing, of fascinating things
but my covers betray me
they let the dreams come in
the heaviness of my breath is no match for them
in this land of dreams i am powerless
and that reality is much to real for me

7 things a man should learn before he dies

1. truth is not always what is seen by human eyes

2. life is short and often it is wasted

3. there are bitter fruits better left untasted

4. no man is an island, but the mind can be a cage

5. men are often slaves to addiction, men of every age

6. instincts are often selfish; the heart is born vain

7. to live is Christ to die is gain

04/08/09

my mind paints vast deceptions on the canvas of my memory

counterfeit colors made from humanities cursed emotions flow throughout  

so i wont look back; i will refrain from love

until my heart has been more divinely inspired to grasp such a thing

until my heart experiences the beautiful colors of truth

Trust

Will you be there for me 

or will you get scared 

eventually

will you be there tomorrow

or will you get scared 

please let me know 

because... 

i dont want to spend my time with you 

if you just gonna leave

And i want to believe that what you said is true 

but thats hard for me 

here is a song dedicated to 8th grade

i wont go the jungle gym and play

on the swings with you today

cause all my really cool friends told me that was gay

and i always listen to everything that they say 

chorus

all my friends are really co---ol 

so its okay if i'm a to---ol

cause we were to good for this scho---ol

but maybe some day we can be friends 

its not my fault that you are last pick 

when you are uncoordinated and not that quick

but maybe next year when things aren't same

then i wont have to call you lame

then you can join in the game, but not today

so mom when i'm with my homies 

please dont act like you know me 

in highschool we'll all grow go tees 

and go to of the cool pool parties 

bridge

we all play sports in our athletic shorts

could there really be any more to life i mean besides the future kids and wife 

don't ask us what we want to be when we get older 

cause all we'll do is shrug our shoulders

cause He first love me.

If there is one thing that i have learned as I have grown up, it is that people do not understand love. They mislabel love and falsly accuse love of many things
Love does not hurt people, or fool people. 
No, pain comes in the absence of love.

Pain comes in ignorance of love. 

Love is definate and clear.
People do not fall in and out of love.
Love is not a process or a phase.
Love is not merely committment, or a verb, or a "heart thing"
Loving is more that a relational value or a character trait. 
Love is more than a life style.
Withheld love is more than indifference, more than cruelty.
Withheld love is more than betrayal, treason, murder.
Withheld love is blaspemy. 
No one escapes or is free of love.
No one alive is an adequate lover or a deserving lover.
My sinful heart cannot handle love.
It cannot understand it; cannot truly achieve it, or truly recieve it
My brain cannot concieve it. 
So my heart will continue in its search and devour all that smells of love.
Sometimes tasting the bitter depraved decpetions of love that this world has made,
But always remembering the satisfaction of His love.
His love that has made my hope invincible. 
My love is all i have to give so I seek to make true, seek to worship
To make it faithful, loyal. 
To make my love His joy, and His joy to be my strength to love more.
His love is my blessing that the world needs. 
A love that is deliverance; healing; illuminating; power; unifying; dividing; eternal; sacrificial; real;
and here... now

regret

i thought my past was over, that it had come to an end
but my memory won't allow that, he's much to cruel a friend
so i walk on yesterdays path, with yesterdays dreams now gone
it is much lonelier now than it was then, just me and this gray dawn