frustrated with myself

let go and let God is probably my least favorite phrase ever. 

thanks for the patience and humility lesson God

freestyle

there is not much i can explain
from the lessons i've learned in this life of pain
evenso i think thats its not in vain
that i'm not the same
that somehow what i became
it better than i was on that day
when i turned to walk away
but how do i know when the mirror hasnt changed
my hands still stained
heart still drained
so i'm not tryin to reignite that flame
all the same
i call your name
to make way for a day
where my sins will pass away
when i always mean what i say
when we will both be okay
so i pray

disclaimer for my thoughts

i am sorry to people who do read these pathetic childish hallmark reflections on life, but this is what i have diminished my thought process to recently. cheesy emo-song sounding lines that rhyme in a to well almost forced way. no more disclaimers.

i finally saw what i had become
a jealous soul with a loaded gun
i never thought i'd hate everyone
i got scared so i had to run
and they say whats done is done
and we end up on opposite sides of the sun
another sorry finish to what i had begun

I am very consistent in my humanity. In my ability to fear, to fail, to facilitate to my feelings...

I regularly repeat mistakes under the premise that somehow my flesh is less natural than your and therefore not subject to such things as infatuation, loneliness, pain, emptiness, insecurity...

And my simplistic "sorry" is insufficient in silencing the symphony of strife and sadness and disunity that result from my destructive decisions...

What would i change if I had the chance?

An inquisition i am challenged by because i acknowledge my inability to become better to make myself more moldable to correct my condition to live life any differently to separate myself from the me tainted by humanity

why i come home

on a day like today i dont want to know what it feels like to be alone

on a day like today i dont want the strength to stand

on a day like today i dont want to be a man

on a day like today i dont want to understand

on a day like today i dont need to know i can

on a day like today i just want to be home

age

I feel like an old man today

all my strength has gone away

my glory came on a different day

no one is left to come out to play

dont know how much longer i can stay

dont know what more i could say

just a foolish boy behind this worried gray

yann tiersen

comptine d'un autre ete

trees (israel reflection)

i saw two trees

floating in a sea of green

two sticks with leaves 

the liveliest i've ever seen

despite my stare 

they don't seem notice me

i would stay there

but my heart is prone to flee